As the title suggests, I’m still pregnant! Four weeks ago, Ben and I were informed that I had a 50% chance of delivering our daughter by 28 weeks. We were exceedingly aware of the possibility of having an extremely premature daughter that required months of NICU time and could have severe disabilities or fatal complications. It was emotionally draining.
My previous posts describe my two hospitalizations. After the second hospitalization I was discharged home on bedrest. The first few weeks of bedrest were challenging. I initially felt pretty sick and fatigued from all of the medications I was given. But sleep did not come easy with my nightmares and night sweats. But as the days passed, those symptoms eventually subsided. Then came the intense anxiety. When my body decided to have frequent contractions, I’d wonder if they’d let up or worsen and progress. When I noticed watery discharge, I worried that I was leaking amniotic fluid. On top of the anxiety, I generally just felt unwell. Normal pregnancy symptoms like heartburn, bloating and headaches were coupled with side effects of bedrest, most notably aches and soreness of my back and hips that were so intense they would wake me from sleep in tears.
I still have this anxiety. And I still feel unwell. But I’m finding ways to manage both of these things, although I definitely have better days and worse days.
I’m grateful to still be pregnant, and I’m so relieved with each passing day. I’m grateful for my wonderful family and friends, who have been supportive throughout this. I’m grateful for my job, and my wonderfully understanding bosses and coworkers. And I’m grateful for you, the readers of this blog, who reach out and share stories and well wishes. Its means more to me than you know.